Learning To Love The Other

The other day I came across an online profile piece on a professional christian lobbyist. Among the questions put to him by the interviewer, was one asking what it was that made him nervous. His reply? Speaking to people who do not agree with my values.

Now I know it wasn't intended as a serious or in-depth article, nonetheless, a man’s words will always express what has been treasured in his heart.

And this is a man who makes a living speaking and debating others in the public sphere, and who sells himself as a spokesman for christians generally.

So, although many people (who obviously do agree with his 'values') commented on how good and brave he was to still speak out in public, despite his self-confessed nervousness, I was quite horrified by his remark.

Maybe it is just me, but the thing that screamed out to me was that this was a man who was only comfortable speaking to those who agreed with him! What does that say to you?

Speaking from personal experience, this attitude too often finds expression in arrogance and a refusal to see the other person as being in any way acceptable. It sends a message, loud and clear, that you are just plain wrong!

Now try to imagine you are someone who sees things differently from this man, and you are called upon to discuss a particular issue with him (whether in public, or not). You know that he feels very uncomfortable with you, and in fact, sees you very much as 'other'. How do you think that would that make you feel?

Would you feel that you were seen as a valid and legitimate contributor to the debate? Would you believe that he was interested in how (and why) you viewed things differently? Would you imagine that he viewed you as an actual person? Or would you wonder if he saw you as just another wrong opinion that must either be overborne and silenced, or converted to his way of thinking? What impact do you think it would it have on how you approach him?

At the end of the day, you'll never find anyone who subscribes 100% to your own pet doctrines and religious foibles. So maybe it's time that christians stopped seeing anyone beyond their own inner circle as outsiders... other... wrong.

This is the way I was taught to operate by the institutional church. I lived in fear of the other. And I was always dreading the thought that I might inadvertently do something or believe something that would make me 'other'. I was taught that safety was only to be found in uniformity and groupthink, in conformity and performance.

But eventually I learned the truth that I was really only acceptable if I toed the party line and submitted to the control of its 'leaders'. When I could no longer live that way, I was cast out into the wilderness of pain and rejection. And I was labelled a dangerous 'other'.

Since then, I have been on a journey which has taught me the value of engaging with the other.  Questioning it. Challenging it. Embracing it even. But never running in fear from it!

And instead of it being something that stunted me and robbed me, I have grown and been enriched in so many ways. My faith has both deepened and broadened, even as I've become less 'certain' of so many things. My trust is no longer in a set of doctrines, but in a living, loving God. I'm no longer afraid that I'll step over some arbitrary line and be 'lost'. (I know some people who think I'm beyond the pale, but God doesn't and he never will.)

So this is an invitation to the nervous lobbyist and all his equally nervous friends. Why not give up the fear and the deathly 'certainty' and actually start listening to the 'other'. Like me, you just might learn something. We are ALL created in God's image, and we each have something worth giving and something worth receiving. Let's walk in humility with everyone, and learn how to love!

Because that is what Jesus taught us to do!

Person or Project?

In my last post, I talked about the desire within each of us to be engaged with as a person and not a problem, to be treated as fully human by our fellow man. I was particularly looking at the context of how Christians treat each other.

Person or Project?

Moving beyond that context, I’d like to explore how we treat those outside our faith. Do we simply love people, or do we treat them as projects - another notch in our evangelism belt, another recruit to ‘our’ church? Are we living examples of the good news of God’s love for all people or are we only interested in getting people to ‘say the sinner’s prayer’ so we can tick another box and move on to the next one?

After a recent shopping trip with my youngest son, the topic of marketing techniques came up in the conversation. I explained to him that marketing is all about creating a desire in people for products they may not even need. Rather than presenting your product and saying, “If you need product x, ours is a really good one to choose”, it has become a case of creating the need - convincing people that they need product x to begin with - and then pushing your particular version of it, using any and all means possible.

I can’t help wondering if we have succumbed to a similar way of operating when it comes to interacting with those who don't share our faith. Jesus told us to make disciples, but have we somehow turned that into a marketing exercise to make converts? Instead of simply living in authentic, loving relationship, do we fall into the trap of ‘loving’ others just so that we can convert them?

Are we interested in people beyond the context of their faith (or lack thereof)? Are they of worth simply because they exist? As men and women of God, do we recognise that every single person bears the imprint of their Creator? Do we believe they are made in His image and is that enough reason for us to value them?

As I was pondering these things, I came across an article entitled Seven Lies Christians Tell. Lie number 7 reads:

Finally, and most importantly, we lie (insidious and barbaric lying) when we pretend like we really, really, really love the other person when in fact we don't. We do not love people when we dismiss their story (including their hopes, values, beliefs and convictions). We do not love people when we do not empathically listen to them, as opposed to spending that time formulating a counter-argument. We do not love others when we reduce them to labels, caricatures, or opponents. If we love, then we will find them shockingly beautiful and fascinating creations. We will find their stories riveting. We will radiate affection. Humans know deep down when they are or are not truly loved.

Let's be people who truly love; who recognise the humanity of others; who actively listen to their stories; who treat others with dignity and worth just because we can!