The realisation suddenly hit me the other day that I've never in all my life felt more confident or more comfortable with who I am. I'm more at ease, relaxed, at rest, in knowing who I am.
I no longer feel I have to prove anything to anyone. That I have to live up to someone else's expectations. Fit into someone else's box.
And it's a good feeling!
But it's rather ironic.
I spent all those years "going to church", trying to be a "good christian", doing what I was told. Believing that if I did and said all the right things I'd feel the peace and joy I was promised.
But it always eluded me. For years. I'd catch glimpses but then it was gone. Maybe if I just worked more, tried harder, was more submissive to those 'over' me…
And then came the betrayal. And all the words I'd put my hope in proved hollow. All the answers, worthless. It took pain and suffering to make me question. To rebel. Turn heretic.
I let go. I stopped trying. I gave up.
And amazingly, the peace and the joy I strived so hard to achieve are now discovered floating gently into my life and settling around me like feathers.
In being rejected I found love.
I turned to the One who made me and I trusted.
I learned to know and embrace who I am. To be at peace being me.
And I stumbled upon acceptance.
What a wonderful discovery!