Wednesday, 13 August 2014

Toxic Church

Dear Institutional Church,

I am reminded again today how toxic you can be.

You see, my mother has just died and I'm stressing about the funeral.

Not for the reasons most people stress about funerals. You know, fears about saying the wrong thing, or not being able to control the emotions, or having to face saying goodbye.

No. I'm stressing about my brother and sister-in-law being there.

Because the last time my brother spoke to me was when he told me that I was a trouble maker and said I should leave the church.

He knew this because board member D had passed judgement against me, and D was a "godly man" so he must be right.

He also knew because he chose to listen to the poisoned words of elder J and his wife who were so intent on becoming the leaders of the church they didn't care who they hurt in the process.

The last time my sister-in-law spoke to me… well, let's just say that if looks could kill, I'd have been instantly laid out stone cold dead from the venom in her eyes. The time before that, she'd screamed at me in front of her children and mine.

Since then, they've refused to speak to me - completely cut off any contact.

You see, this is the fruit of toxic churchianity.

Shattered relationships - friends and families torn apart.

People thrown under the bus. Real people. People who do forgive and heal and 'move on'.

But the bus doesn't stop. It keeps coming back and running us over again.

Because we have to live with the ongoing judgement and shunning and rejection. We cannot avoid the bitter fruit from the seeds you plant, or escape the consequences of the actions you chose to take.

I just can't understand how you can possibly think this is ok.

And I'm sorry if it offends you, but it makes me wonder what sort of a god you serve...


  1. I'm so sorry for your loss...and for the pain and stress that comes with this awful situation.

  2. Sorry for your loss. (Part of me wants to know if it would be possible for you to hire a bodyguard for your mom's funeral, to help keep your brother and SiL away.) Sending virtual hugs and cookies.

    1. SiL strenuously ignored me - brother said hello. I asked him if this meant we were talking again, and if so could we catch up for coffee to talk. He said yes. Haven't heard from him since…

      Appreciate the hugs :)

  3. I'm sorry for your loss, too. I wish family could be a source of help instead of pain for you at this time. Do you at least have a friend who can be assigned the task of keeping these people away from you?

  4. Thank you for you kindness :) Had a friend or two (including my husband) who kept me safe.