Sunday, 31 May 2015

Doing The Best I Can

I had a difficult conversation with someone the day my sister died. I wanted them to understand the reality I have lived with since spiritual abuse drove me out of 'the church'.

So I tried to explain that I was not only facing the grief of losing my sister prematurely. I also had to deal with malice from my sister-in-law in the midst of that, because she had sided with the church leaders who'd told me to submit to the "godly leader" who was bullying and abusing me.

And she has refused ever since to deal with the crap that is still between us.

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As I wrote last August when my mother died, even though I keep forgiving, I have to live with the ongoing realities of being reviled by others, including members of my own family.

And it hurts. And it keeps on inflicting fresh hurt! And most people just don't 'get' that.

So please don't lecture me on how I should respond. Please don't throw a bunch of christian cliches at me. Please don't quote scripture at me or insist on praying at me without my consent.

I understand my pain makes you uncomfortable and it doesn't fit with your neat theologies...

BUT...

I am doing the best I can. I still love God. I keep forgiving. I am dealing with the crap.

So please give me the space and time I need. Please show some compassion. Please be secure enough to just listen. And love. And trust me to God.

2 comments:

  1. Living Liminal

    UGH - We gots lots in common. - Spiritual Abuse and Family Abuse... :-(

    I have lived this also...
    “...even though I keep forgiving, I have to live with the ongoing realities of being reviled by others, including members of my own family.”

    After I became a believer - NOT just a church goer - And Jesus became real...

    My whole family dis-owned me. - And some good friends - Long story...

    When my father was dying, my mom had a care taker call me and said...
    Your mom said she will be out the house on Sunday you can come over then.

    Talk about rejection - From my own mother - Ouch!!!

    When my father died I knew I was damned if I did go to the funeral...
    And damned if I didn’t...

    When I spoke on the phone to my mom she asked what I was going to do.

    I said, “I’ll do what ever you want.”

    She said, “The family talked about it and decided to get you a seperate limousine.”

    Talk about rejection - From my own mother - Ouch!!!

    “And it hurts.”

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    Replies
    1. I am so very sorry to hear you had to go through this, A. Amos! It's an awful way to be treated and really wrong :'(

      Hugs to you! x

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